|
You see, I'm doing the sadhana really along a ... a path that has
never been trod by anyone. Sri Aurobindo did it ... in principle. But he
gave the charge of doing it in the body to me.
That was the wonderful thing when we were together and all these
hostile forces were fighting ... (they tried to kill me any number of
times. He always saved me in an absolutely miraculous and marvelous
way). But you see, this seemed to create very great BODILY difficulties
for him. We discussed this a great deal, and I told him, 'If one of us must go, I want that it should be me.'
'It can't be you,' he replied, 'because you alone can do the material thing. "
And that was all.
He said nothing more. He forbade me to leave my body. That's all. 'It is absolutely forbidden.' he said. 'You can't, you must remain. "
After that (this took place early in 1950), he gradually ... You
see, he let himself fall ill. For he knew quite well that should he say
'I must go,'* I would not have obeyed him, and I would have gone.
For according to the way I felt, he was much more indispensable than I.
But he saw the matter from the other side. And he knew that I had the
power to leave my body at will. So he didn't say a thing, he didn't say a
thing right to the very last minute ...
(silence) Once or twice I 'heard' certain things about him and I told him (for I told him all I saw or heard), and I said that I was ... that these suggestions were coming from the Enemy and that I was violently fighting against them. Then he looked at me - twice - helooked at me, nodded his head and smiled. And that's all. Nothing more was said. 'How strange!' I thought. And that's all. Then I myself must have forgotten. You see, he wanted me to forget. I only remembered afterwards. (silence ) But ...(silence ) This path is very hard.(silence) And then things don't happen at all as they do in ordinary life ... for three or four minutes, sometimes five or ten minutes, I'm a-bo-minably sick, with every sign that it's all over.(silence ) But it's only to make me find the ... to make me go through the experience and to find the strength. And also to give the body this absolute faith in its Divine Reality - to show it that the Divine is there and that He wants to be there and that He shall be there. And it's only at such 'moments' as these - when logically, according to the ordinary physical logic, it's all over - that you can seize the key. You have to go right through everything without flinching. I haven't told this to anyone until now, especially not to those who take care and watch over me, for I don't want to ... terrify them. Besides, I'm not so sure of their reactions - you understand, if they started getting frightened, it would be terrible. So I don't tell them. But it has happened at least five or six times, usually in the morning before going down to the balcony, just when I don't have the time ... And it has to be done quickly, for I have to be ready on time! It's very, very interesting. But then, you see, at such moments the ... concreteness of the Presence* - concrete to the touch, really to the material touch - is extraordinary! How many more such experiences will be necessary? I don't know, you see, I'm only building the path.page 488-89 , Mother's Agenda , volume - 1, 26th Nov. 1960 |
Yes. It is better to speak of victory than ... (Mother laughs) to speak of difficulties! (silence) When we used to discuss all these things and the difficulties of the path, Sri Aurobindo told me (he was comparing his body to mine): 'I don't have the stuff of such endurance. I was not cut out like that - your body is solid!' (gesture) What trials it has gone through! ... And it's so docile, so docile, it doesn't complain. So, my child, if your body has some trouble, just tell yourself they are sympathy pains (Mother laughs), then you won't be troubled. That's all.page 72 - Mother's Agenda , volume 2 , 7th Feb 1961 |
Yes. By acting from above, one can keep these things under control, hold them in place, prevent them from taking any unpleasant initiatives, but that's not.... To transform means to transform. Even mastery can be achieved - it's quite easy to do from above. But for the transformation one must descend, and that is terrible.... Otherwise, the subconscient will never be transformed, it will remain as it is. One can even pose as a superman! (Mother laughs) But it remains like that (gesture in the air), it's not the real thing. It's not the new creation, it's not the next step in terrestrial evolution. You might as well say, 'Why are you in a hurry? Wait for Nature to do it.' But Nature would take a few million years and in the process squander away a host of people and things. A few million years are unimportant to her - a passing breeze. (silence) Anyhow, I was sent here to do this work, so I am trying to do it, that's all. I could have.... If it hadn't been for the work, I would have left with Sri Aurobindo; there you have it. I remained only for the sake of the work - because it was there to be done and he told me to do it and I am doing it.... Otherwise, when one is perfectly conscious, one is far less limited without a body: one can see a hundred people at the same time, in a hundred different places, just as Sri Aurobindo is doing right now.page 87-88 - Mother's Agenda , volume 2 , 14th Feb 1961 |
For example, as I was saying at the beginning, the body's formation has a very minimal, a quite subordinate importance for a saint or a sage. But for this supramental work, the way the body is formed has an almost crucial importance, and not at all in relation to spiritual elements nor even to mental power: these aspects have no importance AT ALL. The capacity to endure, to last is the important thing. Well, in that respect, it is absolutely undeniable that my body has an infinitely greater capacity than Sri Aurobindo's had. That was the basic problem - because the identification of the two [Sri Aurobindo and Mother] was almost child's play, it was nothing: for me to merge into him or him to merge into me was no problem, it wasn't difficult. We had some conversations on precisely this subject, because we saw that ... (there were many other things, too, but this isn't the time to speak of them) the prevailing conditions were such that I told him I would leave this body and melt into him with no regret or difficulty; I told him this in words, not just in thought. And he also replied to me in words: Your body is indispensable for the Work. Without your body the Work cannot be done. After that, I said no more. It was no longer my concern, and that was the end of it. This was said in ... 1949, just a little more than a year before he left. (silence) And that's really how it is. But now I am set face-to-face with the fact ... the immensity, or the ... something.... This work is so formidable! I must say that there was a time when, as Sri Aurobindo had entrusted his work to me, there was a kind of tension to do it (it can't be called an anxiety); a tension in the will. This too has now ended (Mother stretches her arms into the Infinite). It's finished. But there MAY still be something tense lurking somewhere in the subconscient or the inconscient - I don't know, it's possible. Why? I don't know. I mean I have never been told, at any time, neither through Sri Aurobindo nor directly, whether or not I would go right to the end. I have never been told the contrary, either. I have been told nothing at all. And if at times I turn towards That - not to question, but simply to know - the answer is always the same: 'Carry on, it's not your problem; don't worry about it.' So now I have learned not to worry about it; I am consciously not worried about it.page 261-262 - Mother's Agenda , volume 2 , 15th July 1961 |
And so I looked. "Is it something particular to this body?" I wondered. To everyone who has lived closely with it, my body gives the impression of two things: a very concentrated, very stubborn will, and ... such endurance! Sri Aurobindo used to tell me he had never dreamed a body could have such endurance. And that's probably why.... But I don't want to curtail this ability in any way, because it is a CELLULAR will, and a cellular endurance too - which is quite intriguing. It's not a central will and central endurance (that's something else altogether) - it's cellular. That's why Sri Aurobindo used to tell me this body had been specially prepared and chosen for the Work - because of its capacity for obstinate endurance and will. But that's no reason to exercise this ability uselessly! So I am making sure it relaxes now; I tell it constantly, " Now, now! Just let go! Relax, have some fun, where's the harm in it?" I have to tell it to be quiet, very quiet. And it's very surprised to hear that: "Ah! Can I live that way? I don't have to hurry? I can live that way?" page 23-24 - Mother's Agenda , volume 3 , 9th Jan. 1962 |
No damage at all, but it was a bizarre sensation. So I tried to understand how it could have happened, how I could have so lost my sense of relation to things.... For a long time my body had been telling me, "I've got to lie down, I've got to lie down." And I would very sternly reply, "You don't have time!" (Laughing) So then this happened. Had I obeyed it and laid down, there would obviously have been no problem. But I was in my experience, going on with my experience, and at the same time I was getting ready to come downstairs. So I told my body, "It's all right, it's all right, you'll lie down later." But it had its own way of lying down! (Laughing) It just stretched out right where it was. Actually it wasn't even stretched out - it was all askew. Afterwards, I looked into it a bit. "What's wrong with you, anyway?" I said. "If you don't have the strength to bear experiences you won't be able to do the work!" My body answered me very clearly that I was overworking it; and Sri Aurobindo's will was clearly behind it, saying, "It's overwork. You can't keep on seeing people and talking for hours on end and then going into these kinds of experiences. You can't do both, you have to choose, or at least strike a better balance." Well, I certainly wasn't going to stop my experiences, so I took advantage of this little incident to get some rest. It was nothing, really! The doctors were saying, "Take care, the heart isn't working properly," and all that. They wanted to start drugging me! All I need is peace and quiet, not drugs. So I took a rest - and since I had to have an excuse, I said I wasn't well and needed rest. page 21-22 - Mother's Agenda , volume 3 , 9th Jan. 1962 |
For the first seven years he was doing the work, not me. He was the one who saw people; I looked after his personal affairs, his housekeeping, his food, his clothes and so forth. I kept myself quietly busy with that, doing nothing else, not seeing people, simply looking after his material life - like a child at play. It was seven years of integral peace. Later, when he withdrew and put me in front, there was naturally a bit more activity, as well as the semblance of responsibility - but it was only a semblance. What security! A sense of total, total security - for thirty years. Not once.... There was just a single scratch, so to speak, when he had that accident and broke his leg. There was a formation at work (an adverse force) and he wasn't taking sufficient precautions for himself because it was directed against both of us, and more especially against me (it had tried once or twice to fracture my skull, things like that). Well, he was so intent on keeping it from seriously touching my body that it managed to sneak in and break his leg. That was a shock. But he straightened everything out again almost immediately - it all fell back into place and went on like that till the end. page 26 - Mother's Agenda , volume 3 , 9th Jan. 1962 |
Sri Aurobindo, when I saw him the first time, told me, "The others came to prepare and left, but this time, it's to ACHIEVE." He, too, left. He left. True, he told me, "You are the one who will achieve," but he never gave me ... He is the only one who told me that, and he said it "just like that," as he used to say things, you know. It wasn't something that gave you an absolute certitude.... He had that power: I would tell him something, and when he said, "Yes, it is that way," it WAS that way (something I WANTED to happen, not something that was), and when he said, "Yes, it is that way," then it BECAME that way! The first time it happened, it dazzled me. But that was generally about details. But when he told me, "You are the one who will achieve," it wasn't in that manner: it might have been also his will to go right to the end of ... of what was possible. page 261 , Mother's Agenda , volume 6 , 25th Sep - 1965 |
The task of completing Sri Aurobindo's vision has been given to the Mother. The creation of a new world, a new humanity, a new society expressing and embodying the new consciousness is the work she has undertaken. Because of the very nature of things, it is an ideal that seeks to broaden the base of the attempt to establish harmony between body and Soul, Spirit and Matter, ... page 389 , Mother's Agenda , volume 8 , Undated - 1967 |